User blog:Hereticalthoughts/The Seathe & Gwynevere Theory

Good evening everyone, Hereticalthoughts here yet again to monologue on a rather popular theory among many within the Dark Souls community regarding our favorite shipping and mutant bastard child respectively.

Seathe and Gwynevere, and their (alleged) love child, Priscilla.

So, before I force my opinion upon you, allow me to iterate the gist of this theory.

A while before Gwyn decided it'd be a smashing idea to go to his old camp ground, douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire along with a good portion of his army, he was a family man who had three children. One was a jock with a hardon for weaponry who got thrown out for being too lazy to make sure some rather important documents weren't stolen, the middle child was a red haired giantess with an amazing chest, and the third was a mutant with snakes for legs who would later become the first Sailor Moon, complete with dress and headgear as well as a legion of bishonen fangirls.

Now, Gwynevere (Being the red haired giantess with the amazing chest) was naturally a princess, and had found a husband in the Flame God Flann. (no not the dessert.) When suddenly, a wild albino dragon appeared! This dragon was Seathe, the dorky nerd of the dragons who was jealous over how his brothers all had the Scales of Immortality and were getting laid because of them, so he used his epic wizard powers from being a forty year old virgin to help Gwyn and his drinking buddies kill them all.

For... reasons, Gwynevere thought Seathe's nerdiness, lack of legs, and pasty complaxion was hawt and Seathe being the desperate abomination that he is wasn't about to pass up on such an amazing chest (attached to a princess of course, but most remember her for her knockers.). This resulted in the birth of another abomination named Priscilla, who would later be sent to the Painted World of Ariamis (the Dark Souls equivalent of Alcatraz, or New Jersey) for the crime of being a fluffy tailed dragon vampire creature who could take your life away with her strange powers.

...That's roughly it, in all honesty. Which brings me to stating my thoughts on the matter.

I don't believe in this theory and quite frankly don't see why so many people in the Souls community believe in it.

There just isn't any evidence that states that Seathe and Gwynevere associated with each other, but yet there are fervent supporters of this theory (though perhaps this is just a sign of our communities' tendency to grasp at straws to explain things that the creators of the game didn't bother to tell us) who will defend it with tooth and nail. They aren't as frequent as the Solaire=Firstborn believers, but the logic used to "confirm" or make the theory plausible are still rather shaky at some points. I shall demonstrate a couple more common ones now.

1. Seathe liked to kidnap Gwynevere's handmaidens, perhaps to get her attention or to get revenge on her for something.

This theory relies on taking a known fact (that Seathe often used Gwynevere's handmaidens in his experiments as revealed by the piascas in his archives' prison) and then blowing it out of proportion in order to fit the idea (That Seathe did this out of some desire to get Gwynevere's attention or to harm her indirectly). The reason why this doesn't work is simple: No hard evidence. There's nothing that states that Seathe had any relationship with Gwynevere to begin with, and it's far more logical that he kidnapped her handmaidens simply due to their availability, they were close by and easy to get a hold of. Attempting to rationalize this as some desire to affect Gwynevere is just making things up unless the theorist can provide hard evidence. It is speculation of the most vaporous sort, and should be treated as such.

2. They lived near each other, meaning they must've had a relationship of some sort.

The short answer is "No, they don't have to have had a relationship at all."

The long answer isn't much longer, to be redundant. Stating that they knew each other because they lived in the same general area would be like assuming two people from New York City or London knew each other because they came from the same city. In case some people haven't noticed, Anor Londo was a rather large city, and like many large cities, it likely wouldn't be unusual to not have more than a passing familiarity with even your neighbors, if that.

3. They're the same size (roughly), so it's possible that they could've interbred to make Priscilla because (insert reason that probably doesn't hold water here)

I find this one to be quite annoying, because, well... If you were to take a cow, and attempted to cross it with a beluga whale... Nothing would happen.

Essentially, dragons and gods/giants aren't even remotely close in terms of their biology and species, arguably dragons aren't even capable of reproducing in the first place as they aren't actually living things. Any attempt at fertilizing Gwynevere would've failed due to their chemistries simply not matching up. Even if it did, I doubt the resulting spawn would look nearly as pretty as Priscilla or even live past infancy.

& Don't give me the old bollucks about how this is a fictional world and science and logic aren't necessary or don't affect anything in DS, because by that logic gravity doesn't exist in Dark Souls and therefore everyone is actually in orbit, and Undead don't exist because pickles. Doesn't make sense? Well, logic doesn't exist in Dark Souls, so guess what? Everyone is a clam, and the Serpents work for the Care Bears. Huzzah!

4. Priscilla is white like Seathe and more or less humanoid like Gwynevere, so she's got to be connected or related to them right?

At the risk of being an asshole... Holy crap, I have arms, legs, and brown hair... I MUST BE RELATED TO PRINCE CHARLES! OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!!

In short, saying she's related to them due to having similar traits is like saying Black Iron Tarkus is related to Siegmeyer of Catarina because they had similar (in function) equipment and fighting styles. I'd be more inclined to agree if we were going by the theory that Priscilla is simply one of Seathe's experiments.

That's about it for now, I apologize if this seems overly hostile or harsh. Comments, criticisms and debates are as always welcome.

~Hereticalthoughts