User blog comment:Ghost105/My Poetry/@comment-24990563-20140127145119

I like the plot and your wording, very nice! To give some feedback, I'd recommend trying to get the rhythm of the words flowing a bit better. Since you're rhyming every second line, it can feel a bit odd not to have a steady pulse to your poem. I realize this may be fully intentional and in that case well done :) However, at times your rhythm comes close to an iambic pentameter, maybe try and write the whole thing in that metrical line? I think it would add a cool classical touch to your already excellent narrative.

Keep at it!